In a storage seeker exclusive, Kristopher Kringle, CEO & President of Winter Wonderland Enterprises, sat down with our very own Reuben Johnson to give us a first hand look into their confidential holiday operation, as well as some insight into the company’s most recent struggle.
“Mr. Kringle, if I may ask you…”
“Please, please. Call me Santa” he responds, as a warm breeze lifts up his beard.
With the holidays just days away, Santa begins to tell me how he and Mrs. Kringle, best known for her wonderland persona of Mrs. Claus, spend 10 days in the Caribbean each year prior to the holiday rush.
“Saved our marriage” Mrs. Kringle goes on to say, as she dabs some sunscreen on her arms.
“Can you tell us what happened last year? If the rumors are true, it’s to my understanding you almost didn’t meet quota”
“Now, now, we always meet our quota. We have the finest elves in either pole, the union ensures it. The main issue was with our distribution. You see, with 2-day shipping and online competitors, finding ways to get our products to each and every corner of the world proved challenging. I mean, regardless of how much training the reindeer have, and by golly they have a ton, trying to complete every delivery from the North Pole December 24th was becoming impossible.”
“Ah, I see. So you felt disconnected from the consumers?”
“Precisely. We considered moving our operation from the North Pole completely, opening a headquarters on each continent at least, but the elves and their union….”
“Be polite, dear…” says Mrs. Kringle lovingly.
“Right, right. Well, the elves need to remain within the North Pole, so we had to keep production up there.”
“I see. So how did you overcome the delivery issue?”
“Self-storage, son!” says Santa as he takes a sip of his Long Island Iced Tea. “By renting a storage unit in nearly every metropolitan area, we were able to load them up prior to December, sending out mini-caravans of reindeer and assistants to unload and deliver the night of. Did you know they’re climate-controlled? And with sizes designed to fit any budget, we were able to find storage facilities across every metropolitan area that met our needs perfectly”
I nearly spit out my fish taco.
“Wait, so YOU don’t actually deliver the presents anymore?”
Confidently, Santa says, “Well, I would say that I manage the operation. And this past one was our most productive yet. Our shareholders couldn’t be more pleased.”
“But what about the cookies?” I say, still shocked that Santa no longer delivers the presents himself.
Santa gives his right bicep a flex and a peck, while Mrs. Kringle lets out a pretend swoon. “Have you seen my beach body? It’s been years since I’ve sunbathed topless.”
“He is looking mighty fine these days!” says Mrs. Kringle as she gives him a loving kiss on the cheek.
They both laugh and I can’t help but smile too.
“I realize our time is almost up, and know that it’s extremely rare for you to provide one on one interviews. Is there anything else you would like the public to know before I head back?”
“Well,” says Mrs. Kringle, “I would like everyone to know that your love, support and sweet letters over all of these years mean the world to us.”
“Truly!” responds Santa. “We sit and read each and every one.”
As I leave their private beach, I can’t help but chuckle as I look back to see Santa serenading Mrs. Kringle with his ukulele as she lets out another pretend swoon.
From all of us here at Storage Seeker, a very happy holiday to you and yours!
…And forget the cookies!